At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
