I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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