You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
