Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's blow job season.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
