Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
