Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
