it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
