I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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