I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
