She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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