I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
