I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
