Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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