He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
