I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
