I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
