She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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