It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
