Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
