so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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