cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
