so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
