nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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