if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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