why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am mentally ready for anal.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
