I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
