I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
