Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
