Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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