You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
