Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
