my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
