Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
