home. puking in laundry basket.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
