Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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