I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
