Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
