what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
