I wish I could teleport
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it hurts more in the daytime
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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