I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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