Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
