and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
