i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
