There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
