i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
