In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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