woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
