Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
