Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
