she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
