My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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