Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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