Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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