how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
