We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
